See a change?

Two posts in one week?  Am I imagining things?  Nope, you're not.  It's me and like I said last post I have been wanting to blog lately, so I am riding this wave for as long as I can.

If you've been following my blog for a while you will notice a change.  If not, then I'll let you in on what I'm talking about.  I have "refreshed" my page with a new layout and...a new title.

So when I was talking about a refocus on my goals and making changes, I didn't just mean in what I am doing, but also what I'm going to write about and focus on.  I have decided that the title of my blog will always be "The Beginners Runner" because, well, that's my identity.  We are always beginning at something and I feel like I am a beginner runner again after such a long hiatus.  However the title of my blog will change with the goals I have planned.  Just like now, take a look at the title, don't worry, I'll give you a chance to look.  I'll wait here...

Take a look?  Good.  Well, that's what I'm planning for now.

Refocus

Well hello there, long time no see.  I know, I know.  I should write more, and I don't call back when you leave me messages.  I'm so bad about communication sometimes, I hate talking on the phone, I rarely text or email, and don't even get me started about Snapchat.  (Really, I feel so dumb trying to maneuver through that app. SO not a millennial.)

It's Christmas Eve and I feel inspired to write.  To post here.  And since that rarely happens, I thought I would ride that wave for as long as I could.

I've been gone a while.  A lost soul of sorts.  I've been dealing with a chronic physical issue for over a year that still has no diagnosis, only more questions with no answers.  Due to this physical issue I have done far less working out than I'd like and even less running.  Though I have been able to make some strides this year with working out and losing weight I still have a long ways to go.  

In April I started Tone It Up and it was a breath of fresh air for me.  I was able to workout at home, make nutritious meals that my whole family could eat and in a matter of 3 months I lost over 20 pounds.  Something I haven't been able to duplicate since then as my physical ailments came back with a venegence and it makes my ability to workout very difficult, if not impossible.

I ran a few races this year and had a great time, but I didn't make any breakthroughs or achieve any better results because of my lack of training overall.  Something I am hoping to change this year.

Which leads me to the title of this post, refocus, which means to me that I will be making some changes this year and putting my life and hobbies/goals back into focus.  I have been lost along my way for a couple of years now, for many reasons (or excuses), which ever you choose to use. Regardless, I haven't been "here" and it's something I have noticed and am making the concerted effort to change.  I want ME back.  I want to be present and feed what my soul is hungry for, and that is connection.  To myself, to what is around me, to my family, to my friends.  I need to ground myself and fight for what I want and need for and of myself.  This year is about change.  This year is about giving a shit and not giving up on myself.  I have felt myself spiral in and out of control all this year and most of last year and I'm done. Done, done, DONE with feeling like this.  It stops and stops now.

I am ready to flash my confidence again.  I'm ready to take back what is mine.  I am looking forward and up this coming year and I seriously cannot wait to attack this coming month.  I have a lot I am doing, including a refocusing of this blog with more posts about my coming journey.  What is that journey you ask?  Ahhh...I'm not giving it up that easily.  You've gotta wait and come back to see what I am up to and what changes I'm making.  

Until then, enjoy your holidays and please have a safe New Year everyone.  Let's make it to the new year together, so please drive safe and sober, or take an Uber.  I can't wait to see you all soon!  Merry Christmas!!

Embers

I think I have written this post at least a hundred times in my head.

I would have this witty, bold opening statement.  Clever quips and meaningful stories that offer a steadfast moral.

I start...

and then stop.  Unable to finish because I never really knew how to start.

Spring

Spring has officially sprung in Seattle!  The weather has been absolutely gorgeous all week and after the many months we’ve had of dark, gloomy, wet weather, this is a much welcomed break!!  My little family has been taking walks after dinner together to soak up the sunshine and have some active time together before we put the kiddo to bed.  It has been a nice change and one that I would like to continue with as the weather becomes consistently nicer.

So it’s been a couple of months since my last post, a pretty pissed off, telling post for me.  I try not to get too emotional on the blog, I like to keep things light and to the point, but sometimes I just don’t really care and want to say what’s on my mind.  Which brings me to today’s post…

Training Struggle

I wanted to take a moment to thank you all for the support and words of encouragement I received regarding last weeks post. It was a tough decision to make and the more I think about it and the more stories and comments I received and read about all of you making that same tough decision (to listen to your body), I realize that it was the best decision I could have made. So again, thank you for all the stories and encouragement, it really means a lot to me.

That being said, my view has changed drastically since last week. I am no longer setting my sights on a big goal that, at times, seemed insurmountable. But rather now I am working on facing a familiar adversary, the half marathon. The distance that I love to hate and hate to love, so much pleasure (finishing) and so much pain (during). (That sounded dirty, btw. He he...) Anyway.

After last weeks post I felt the need to pull everything in and "hide" what I'm going through, put on the happy face and post about seemingly benign things. Then the more I thought about it this weekend the more I realized that line of thinking is completely opposite of why I created this blog to begin with. I came here to write about my trials and tribulations, successes and jubilations (and my apparent need to rhyme at times, HA! Did it again.) To keep the process secret and not be honest about what I'm going through by only talking about good things would be silly of me to do. I have prided myself on being honest here and talking about things I'm experiencing, no matter how stupid or embarrassing it might be.

I feel like a failure

Nice way to come back from a blogging hiatus, right? Well, unfortunately, this is how I'm feeling right now. I will be posting my race and Disneyland trip recaps soon, there is lots to report on that front and things are finally starting to slow down in my crazy world right now. So those tidbits are forthcoming.

So, now...what is going on?

Well, let me say that this year I had goals that I had set out at the very start of the year. I had made it very clear last year and throughout this year so far that I had the goal to get fit after the pregnancy, to run Dumbo again and to train and complete my first marathon in January 2015.

However, it seems that with every attempt I make to try and accomplish these goals I get more and more road blocks and encounter even more pitfalls.

Dreaming of Wining and Dining

I wanted to start first off saying thank you to all that came by yesterday and read my blog post about my GD. It was a tough one to write but I felt that I wouldn't be honest on here if I didn't talk about that and how it affects my daily life. So thank you for all the kind words of encouragement and for people who shared their stories, it meant a lot to me.

On more upbeat news, the social sphere I'm a part of is swirling like CRAZY with talk about the runDisney Wine and Dine Half Marathon weekend coming up this weekend. I have wanted to be a part of this race weekend for the past two years and both years I've been sitting at home reading the posts, looking at the pictures and reading the blog updates on how much fun everyone is having. It literally is "the runner's night out", it looks like SO MUCH fun is had the whole weekend.

"The Jam" Thursday

I had a terrible nights sleep last night. Why?

Well, I know when a race is coming soon because I start getting nightmares about it. Yeah...I had one last night. Of course it was about the Disneyland Half Marathon weekend (which is in 28 days, FYI!), but it was about the 5K race specifically. Me and one other female (don't know who it was) were standing in this tented area at the finish line of the 5K cheering people onto the finish and talking with them about the race and praising them for doing a great job. Then we both looked at each other and realized that we hadn't raced yet and the 10K was starting soon and we needed to get to that race too! We ran out onto the course and were the last people out there and all I can remember was running frantically, passing cheering crowds and looking down the long straightaway at the beginning of the course and feeling a huge lump in the pit of my stomach....then I woke up.

Oh boy...if these dreams continue on for the rest of the month, I will have run these races more times than I care to in my head! I hope they go away! But the likelihood of that isn't good. :(  Oh well.

Today is Thursday and that means I get to share another "jam" with you. This one is from a DJ and vocalist collaboration that I really enjoyed. I shared another of their songs many months back and wanted to revisit their work and share another great track. I've shared a couple of songs from this vocalist and I really enjoy what she is doing lately and I think she has really found her musical niche.

Without further ado, I present today's "jam":