Spring has officially sprung in Seattle! The weather has been absolutely gorgeous all
week and after the many months we’ve had of dark, gloomy, wet weather, this is
a much welcomed break!! My little
family has been taking walks after dinner together to soak up the sunshine and
have some active time together before we put the kiddo to bed. It has been a nice change and one that I
would like to continue with as the weather becomes consistently nicer.
So it’s been a couple of months since my last post, a pretty
pissed off, telling post for me. I try
not to get too emotional on the blog, I like to keep things light and to the
point, but sometimes I just don’t really care and want to say what’s on my
mind. Which brings me to today’s post…
I’m struggling.
I’ve been struggling for a couple of years now. And I’m SO TIRED of listening to myself talk
about it, but I don’t know what to do about it anymore. My running and love of running has taken a
serious hit. Since the kiddo’s birth I
have been plagued with physical issues that have hindered or completely stopped
me from running, and effected my daily way of life. From debilitating
plantar fasciitis, to terrible hip pain, to cardiac concerns, to horrific acid
reflux, I have had issues that have sidelined me for more time than I am happy
with. I know we all need a break from
things now and again to help us gain some perspective and appreciate our
enthusiasm for it. But I’m afraid that
my break has been too long for me to get back into it again.
I don’t have a lot of time to squeeze a run into my crazy ass weekly schedule, but the days that I have a spare moment to get a couple of miles in, I tend to defer to other things that need to be done around the house. Like that pile of laundry that needs to be tackled, or making dinner so we aren’t eating at 7pm, or cleaning up the disaster zone that is our home (a house with a toddler cannot POSSIBLY stay clean I’m convinced!). It’s the typical thing though, taking care of everyone before taking some time for myself. But that’s just me, I’m a people pleaser and don’t want to inconvenience anyone or throw a schedule off on my account.
Running begets running, that’s how it is for me.
Once I do it, I yearn for it.
I need to be out with the road passing under my feet,
sweating, letting my mind wander, listening to my breath in sync with my
footsteps.
I am finally (I think, crossing fingers) feeling good enough
to run and follow a training schedule I’ve had planned out since January. I
have races this year that I am running and with everything that has
hindered my training, I am feeling wholly unprepared for the miles I
have ahead of me. I have clearance (and encouragement!) from
all the doctors I’ve been seeing to resume running.
I’m just scared. And
I’m struggling. There is too much at
stake if something goes wrong, and too much at stake not to invest in my health
and mental well-being.
I’m struggling…
Do it. Go out and do it. My goodness woman, please please please go out and do it! Take it from someone who had six kids in 8 years and never did ANYTHING for herself because there was always something else that needed to be done. If you don't do something for yourself, you will lose yourself and you will be miserable, and you will blame your husband and you will resent your life and you'll look at your sweet child(ren) and feel even worse because you know you shouldn't be unhappy because they are amazing and you love them, but the spark that was there in your life is no longer there and it's no one's fault but your own because you let yourself disappear. You need to make time for yourself. It is SO important! The laundry can wait. You can throw food in the crock pot in the morning. The house can be less than tidy. You cannot go without doing something that is purely you! You are not just a mom, a wife, an employee...you are a strong, amazing individual and you cannot allow that to fall by the wayside.
ReplyDeleteOh Katie...I love you. Thank you for this. Seriously and sincerely. Thank you. I have never told you this but I marvel at you and the family you have. All those personalities, all the bickering, all the frustrations and all that love. I take it in and silently let myself dream of what having that life is like. I am always amazed at and by you, my friend.
DeleteThank you for your encouraging words and I send you and your sweet family lots of love.
You need some you time! I know it's hard to put yourself first (I hear ya on the never ending list of household needs), but it's so so important for your mental state. And as you said, you know you'll feel better. Start small, just 10 or 15 minutes, and go from there. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteThanks Kim. I tell everyone else to give themselves a break and yet I don't do it for myself. Time to practice what I preach.
DeleteResort Reservations
ReplyDeleteI have read many blogs in the net but have never come across such a well written blog. Good work keep it up