So during my process of recovery from this injury I came across some interesting information.
Feedback.
Or rather "comments from the peanut gallery". So when I saw this below, I knew I had to talk about it today for Momentum Monday.
It's unfortunate that the people who know the least about you have the most to say, as if they knew you inside and out and know what is best for you. These types of people, while their intentions are good in nature, make comments that spread like MRSA. It infects you and affects you, creates doubt where there was none and makes you question your abilities when you shouldn't.
This type of "feedback" from these sources are given with the intent to help raise your awareness to issues and what you should and shouldn't be doing. Yet they don't know what you do, or how you do it, what works for you and what doesn't. They give this feedback and yet they aren't you. Don't you think that the only one who should be giving you feedback is, well, you?
Now don't get advice and feedback mixed up. You can certainly get advice from people who may have more years of training than you, or may have experienced a similar situation you are in and want some guidance. Feedback is usually unsolicited "advice" from people that think they know how to deal with a situation and know how to take care of you better than you do.
This type of feedback is toxic and tough to deal with at times because it can come from close sources to you and really shake your confidence. As tough as it may be, you have to not listen and believe in yourself. I've had several people give feedback on my running and why it's not a good idea or questioning my motives for doing it, or even questioning my ability to do it period. It wasn't and still isn't easy to hear or deal with, but here are a couple of things that help me:
Kill them with kindness: Don't let them know their feedback/comments affect you. Smile and thank them for their "advice", then quickly forget what they say. Easier said than done, I know, but holding onto what they say creates doubt; never doubt yourself!
Believe in yourself: You need to make affirmations to yourself about why you are doing what you do and that you believe in yourself and your ability to succeed. I'm not talking about Stuart Smiley affirmations, I'm just saying that your success is based on your belief that you can do it. If you believe you can, you will; if you believe you can't, you won't.
People will question what you do and the reason why you do it. There doesn't necessarily need to be a reason and most times the only person you need to justify it to is yourself. Believe that you can accomplish your goals and don't let the "peanut gallery" get you down.
Question for you: How do you handle situation where the "peanut gallery" gives you unsolicited advice? How do you handle their feedback?
I usually handle it pretty well (to their face, when it happens) and just smile/nod/let them say what they need to...then I bitch and complain about it to my husband and closest friends. LOL. So, not the best way to deal with it because I'm obviously letting it get to me. I really cannot stand when people that don't run tell me how/when/how much I should run. Or warn me about my knees or show concern about my losing weight b/c they just want me to be "healthy"...I'm a good 40 pounds overweight still, I think I can handle losing a bit! LOL. Sorry, ramble-reply! ;)
ReplyDeleteWell we all bitch and complain about things in life that get us down. That's just being human. ;) I agree that advice about running from people who don't run is annoying, that's one of my biggest peeves!
DeleteI immediately pulled up my comment from "Learning when to take it easy" to make sure I am not part of the peanut gallery. (So I hope I'm not!) I think I do tend to be part of many peanut galleries, it was pretty much my culture growing up...everyone over shares and gives "advice". It's so frustrating when you're the one in question, getting all the input and advice and shared past experiences. But from the peanut's perspective, or at least my view of it, I feel like it's how I try to better relate to the person to whom I'm sharing...this is MY experience and how I handled it, but this may not be for everyone. I have had my share of peanuts get feisty, like their way is the only way that will work for anyone and if you make any other decision then you MUST be wrong. Very frustrating! Depending on the person, sometimes I will try to explain why I will not be taking their advice (reaffirming PRO of alternate route) OR I will ignore and not bring up that subject again with said person (avoid). You are very right though, you know YOU best. I am glad you're on the mend and don't want you back sooner than you are confident you are at 100%. I don't like it when my runner friends are injured. HUGS! :)
ReplyDeleteOh my dear, you are not a peanut!! For me, it's getting advice from people who don't run on how I should train, or fuel, or the amount of exercise I'm doing, or that I'm still overweight and there is no way I can be a runner. That last one pisses me off especially.
DeleteI throw a lot of advice and knowledge out there with the feeling that people can take it or leave it, but I don't forcefeed them. I get a fair amount of forcefeeding of feedback and advice that I just need to step away from and gain some clarity about what it is I'm doing and if it's the best for me. Not them, me.
Thank you for your concern, lady. Your advice is always welcome! :)
Relief. ;)
DeleteI've gone a little Dopey. AHH! But I'm terrified of making it too public. I had major doubters when it came me registering for the WDWMarathon and it means so much more to know I didn't let their doubt in me have any influence. I am hoping my continued training will help shed a few more pounds for me, I gained/plateaued from Sept-Dec probably from continued training & muscle building...but I want a lower number. I was there before Abigail. I learned a lot from my Sugar Detox and am really limited my sugar choices, making VERY conscience decisions. And to have a bit of fun, I joined a DietBet that starts today. I'm sure I'll feel better (maybe faster?!?) if I was down 10lbs.
I always wonder if I will be faster when I lose weight, I know that it will be less my body has to haul around, so that has to make me faster, right?
DeleteI find your goal setting admirable. You set high standards for yourself, much higher than I could ever expect to achieve, and that makes me want to set my goals even higher. Don't doubt yourself because believe it or not, you inspire others to be better.
I'm sorry you're getting comments from the peanut gallery. I usually nod and smile and thank them for their concern, but that I am we'll aware of [whatever they're complaining about] and that I will do what I feel is best for myself. I have a certain person in my life that loves to tell me the amount of running I do will ruin my knees. My response: "it's better than being sedentary" (which she is). Brutal, but it normally stops the comments. ;)
ReplyDeleteI enjoy sending back little quips to nay sayers like that too, but it gets old after a while having to defend yourself. When did it become bad to want to exercise and take care of yourself? Sheesh!
DeleteI get this all. the. time. People tell me I shouldn't run because, "it's dangerous." And what I want to gently remind them is that I used to be very, very overweight...and that was very dangerous, too, but nobody ever said anything about that!
ReplyDeleteAlso, wanted to let you know that I nominated you for The Versatile Blogger award! Here's the link to my post with more info, in case you want to participate! :-D http://thefinalforty.wordpress.com/2013/04/08/exciting-blog-news/
There is danger every where we go. It is dangerous to leave the house everyday. It's dangerous to cook too. The people that try to strike fear in you are the ones that want to be like you. They are too afraid themselves, so they try to make you feel that fear as well. Kudos to you for not letting it stop you!
DeleteThank you for the nomination, Jennifer! I will take a look for sure!
People who think fitness/nutrition is one size fits all try my patience. They think if something worked for them, then it must be the Fitness Bible. The idea that another way might bring results for another person tends to be dismissed outright or even insulted - that is what I can't stand.
ReplyDeleteWell said! I completely agree, that is very frustrating indeed. I try to be more flexible in my understandings of what works for others as well. Just because it worked for me, doesn't mean it's going to work for my friends.
Delete