Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Grand Plans

When I came up with the concept of this blog it was to create a place where new runners could come and benefit from information that I was craving for when I first started running.

What type of shoes are good to run in?

Can I wear the race t-shirt during the race?

What is race fuel?  When do you take it and what kind is the best?

Is there racing etiquette?  Is there running etiquette?

All these questions (and more!) I wanted answers to as I started running and trying to find my way into this seemingly exclusive club known as running.  So after months of milling it over the concept of a blog, I decided to dive right in and do it. 

I would be bold. 
I would be smart. 
I would be funny. 
I would be informative. 
I would have a place where new runners could have a safe haven to come to and get answers to questions like "what is a PR?" without fear of being ridiculed for asking a "stupid" question.

Then as the blog started to take shape it grew into more like my journey with beginner's knowledge and story morals sprinkled throughout.  To say I feel lost about the direction I need to go is quite an understatement.  When did I lose my ground, my drive and my confidence in what I was doing here?  When did my plans change?

I tried not to mimic the style and feel of this blog to anyone else's, we all need to be our individualistic self and shine like only we can, right?  Though I feel like people don't get my sense of humor most of the time and my italicized asides to myself (note: what is going on in my head) seem to be lost on most people.  Though I think they can be funny as hell sometimes.  Shhh...stop talking about me, and quit talking about yourself like you're Stuart Smalley.

I confessed to my hubby that sometimes I just don't know how to be strong.  In my running, in keeping up with changing my lifestyle by breaking those long standing bad habits, in being vulnerable and writing this blog.  Sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel and closing shop on this whole thing, claim defeat and trudge on.  But then there are times when I'm inspired by the blogs of the wonderful people I follow and how they have helped me to do something or get through an obstacle just by taking their experiences and applying it to my own.  Or get inspired by their progress, their wit, tenacity and zest for life.  Then I feel like maybe I can add something to the world that can inspire or help in ways that I could never have imagined, just like others have helped me.  Giving me that little nudge to just keep going and press on with what it is I am doing.

Maybe this isn't all for naught and this is somehow part of the plan for me and this blog.  I have found that in theory grand plans can be grand, but that the implementation starts out small, in hopes of building toward that grand plan you envisioned.  This is still the beginning for me, I just hope my plans aren't too grand to achieve, where ever those plans may take me. 

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