Monday, March 31, 2014

Momentum Monday: The C word

I have been missing from here for a while. I'm sorry, there is no excuse other than I have an infant and I have recently gone back to work. Not really a viable excuse some would say, but hey, that is my new reality and it is taking some adjustment. I'm hoping now that we're getting into the swing of things that I will be able to be back on here a bit more and gasp(!)...finally get back into training. My lower back/glutes have been giving me lots of trouble lately. I think the combination of my hips moving back after birth and the different ways I stand when I hold the baby has thrown my hip alignment off creating pain when I sit/stand/walk/lay down. So I have an appointment for an adjustment today and I hope that will help with the pain so that I can get back into running.

Oh yeah, running...kinda what I talk most about here, right? I'm missing it more and more with each passing week, especially now that the weather is getting so nice around here, I just want to lace up my shoes and get out there. I just know that if I did that right now I would be hobbling home after about two blocks because I would have a cramp in my ass. Sexy, right?

On top of adjusting to my new normal, I've had a rough couple of weeks and my main motivation for today's Momentum Monday quote, but I'll get to that in a moment.

Almost two weeks ago I got a message from my very best friend that she found a lump in her breast.

::gasp::

Yes, gasp is right. It felt like there was no air in the room and my chest suddenly got very heavy. With trembling hands I messaged back and forth with her over the course of the night talking about what she should do and how not to freak out. Fast forward over a few days through a doctors appointment that turned into a mammogram and biopsy appointment, that turned into MRI, PET scan, brain scan appointments. That ultimately brought the diagnosis: cancer.

It no longer was this rubbery, possibly benign little ball in her breast, it is now a tumor of an aggressive cancer that is rare and even more rarely pitches its campsite in breasts. With this rare cancer now finding its home in her breast, the usual treatments for your "garden variety" breast cancer won't work, it's not the same beast and the same chemicals won't effect it the way it should. So to say that she is a medical marvel right now is true, but not necessarily what you want to hear when all you want to do is erradicate the shit out of this disease in your body. Not having a clear path for treatment is scary and unsettling to say the least.

Today is my friends PET and brain scan to see whether the cancer has spread to other parts of her body. I'm keeping good positive thoughts that this crap is just camping out in her breast and that the treatment will be relegated only to that area. But I can't deny that I'm freaking the fuck out. She is already at stage 3 with everything they have found so far (size of tumor and presence in the lymph gland), presence of the cancer anywhere else in her body would send her right into stage 4; and I've never hated a number so much.

I sit here and try to make sense of it all. But there is none. No rhyme or reason and even if there was a reason it would never be good enough to explain why my friend and her family needs to go through what they have been and will be going through for months to come. All I can do to keep my head straight is to think about how much help she and her family will need during this difficult time. This wonderful woman that I have known for 14 years and has been there for me in my best and absolute worst times. This amazing woman that fights the good fight for kids in her line of work and is ridiculously intelligent (I swear I wish I had HALF her smarts!). This fabulous friend that I will watch lose her hair and become weakened from chemo therapy and possible radiation treatments. It tears me up, I'm helpless and I hate feeling this way. She would move mountains for anyone that needed it and all I can do is watch her go through this and wish I could make it better.

So today's Momentum Monday is dedicated to my best friend Beth:

She may have cancer and she is facing a long fight ahead of her, but she has such a good and fighting spirit that she won't let us be down about it. When I saw this quote I laughed out loud because this explains our friendship so well. We have a sick sense of humor and well, we swear with each other a lot too. Hell what am I saying...we swear a bunch even when we aren't with each other. There is no political correctness, there is no holding back opinions and no hard feelings on confrontations. There is also no judgement, no finger pointing and no grudges in this friendship. We can sit and talk shit about each other to each other over glasses of box wine. We revel in watching old black and white movies (I swear that is when movies were really great), delight in talking about our affection for bacon and can throw down dirty martinis with the best of them. She is the best friend anyone could ever have and brings out the best in me. You can't help but feel good being around her.

This woman is amazing and she has a long hard fight in front of her, but she won't be alone. Even though I can't fight this fight for her, I can be there holding her hand the whole way though. Don't worry Beth, it may be raining out there but I will hold the umbrella over you to keep you dry, I don't mind getting wet.

7 comments:

  1. I have never commented, but love reading your blog (yes, I guess that makes me a lurker) - thinking about and praying for Beth and her family. She is lucky to have you by her side.

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    1. Thank you Shannon! I'm glad you commented, it's nice to meet you! Thank you for the good thoughts and prayers!

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  2. Ugh, fuck cancer! I hate it so much and it just pisses me off and scares the crap out of me at the same time. Beth is so lucky to have you and you her! I hope she kicks cancer's ass. Sorry for the pottymouth, but I just get so angry because it's so evil.

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    1. Oh no, don't apologize. We've been saying the same thing since she found out she had cancer! There has been a lot of "Fuck cancer" and references to House of Cards. It is so scary and just makes me so mad. Too many people are getting this crap and it's really pissing me off.

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  3. Lena, I am so sorry your friend is going through this! But I will say that she is damn lucky to have such a devoted and amazing friend like you. Just the way you talk about her, you can really see the close relationship you two have. Keeping you both in my thoughts.

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    1. Thank you Kim, that means a lot. We found out yesterday she is at stage 4, so this will be a long rough treatment road that she will be walking and I plan on holding her hand the whole way. Your thoughts are very much appreciated!

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  4. I'm so sorry about your friend. Sending positive thoughts your way. It sounds like you have an incredible relationship, and she's lucky to have you by her side during this scary, difficult time.

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