Is it really that time already?

It's that time of year again.

Where runDisney runners descend upon Orlando for the pinnacle race weekend of the year.

Marathon Weekend.

5 days of runDisney frenzy of expos, meetups and the 5k, 10k, half and full marathon races.  It's a crazy busy weekend, but one that runDisney enthusiasts look forward to every year.  The races historically sell out well before the race weekend arrives and people gather from far and wide to see the familiar faces of their running family.  To experience this race weekend is a real treat and truly showcases the runDisney ohana that has grown through the years.

My Truth

It's been over two years since I've been back here.

I almost deleted the whole damn thing.

Who am I to come back to this page and try to pick up the pieces of the life I had here that has shattered.  Can I ever be made whole again?  Can I patch together this wreck of a blog to actually mean something again?

I've come back to this spot, so many times that I've lost count, to see if I could re-create that spark.  That fire to make this a joyful and meaningful outlet for me.


I will admit, I have been too afraid.

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

Can't go wrong with a little Lionel Ritchie, right?

It is me though.  I'm here, if only ever so slightly.

It's been almost a year since the last time I posted.  I felt like I was on a roll too.  I was focused on a goal and felt like things were starting to resolve themselves after almost two years of dealing with health issues, of which I believe stemmed from having a baby and the immense amount of stress I was under.

A year has passed and life certainly did not get easier.  It actually got a whole lot more difficult...and sad.

See a change?

Two posts in one week?  Am I imagining things?  Nope, you're not.  It's me and like I said last post I have been wanting to blog lately, so I am riding this wave for as long as I can.

If you've been following my blog for a while you will notice a change.  If not, then I'll let you in on what I'm talking about.  I have "refreshed" my page with a new layout and...a new title.

So when I was talking about a refocus on my goals and making changes, I didn't just mean in what I am doing, but also what I'm going to write about and focus on.  I have decided that the title of my blog will always be "The Beginners Runner" because, well, that's my identity.  We are always beginning at something and I feel like I am a beginner runner again after such a long hiatus.  However the title of my blog will change with the goals I have planned.  Just like now, take a look at the title, don't worry, I'll give you a chance to look.  I'll wait here...

Take a look?  Good.  Well, that's what I'm planning for now.

Refocus

Well hello there, long time no see.  I know, I know.  I should write more, and I don't call back when you leave me messages.  I'm so bad about communication sometimes, I hate talking on the phone, I rarely text or email, and don't even get me started about Snapchat.  (Really, I feel so dumb trying to maneuver through that app. SO not a millennial.)

It's Christmas Eve and I feel inspired to write.  To post here.  And since that rarely happens, I thought I would ride that wave for as long as I could.

I've been gone a while.  A lost soul of sorts.  I've been dealing with a chronic physical issue for over a year that still has no diagnosis, only more questions with no answers.  Due to this physical issue I have done far less working out than I'd like and even less running.  Though I have been able to make some strides this year with working out and losing weight I still have a long ways to go.  

In April I started Tone It Up and it was a breath of fresh air for me.  I was able to workout at home, make nutritious meals that my whole family could eat and in a matter of 3 months I lost over 20 pounds.  Something I haven't been able to duplicate since then as my physical ailments came back with a venegence and it makes my ability to workout very difficult, if not impossible.

I ran a few races this year and had a great time, but I didn't make any breakthroughs or achieve any better results because of my lack of training overall.  Something I am hoping to change this year.

Which leads me to the title of this post, refocus, which means to me that I will be making some changes this year and putting my life and hobbies/goals back into focus.  I have been lost along my way for a couple of years now, for many reasons (or excuses), which ever you choose to use. Regardless, I haven't been "here" and it's something I have noticed and am making the concerted effort to change.  I want ME back.  I want to be present and feed what my soul is hungry for, and that is connection.  To myself, to what is around me, to my family, to my friends.  I need to ground myself and fight for what I want and need for and of myself.  This year is about change.  This year is about giving a shit and not giving up on myself.  I have felt myself spiral in and out of control all this year and most of last year and I'm done. Done, done, DONE with feeling like this.  It stops and stops now.

I am ready to flash my confidence again.  I'm ready to take back what is mine.  I am looking forward and up this coming year and I seriously cannot wait to attack this coming month.  I have a lot I am doing, including a refocusing of this blog with more posts about my coming journey.  What is that journey you ask?  Ahhh...I'm not giving it up that easily.  You've gotta wait and come back to see what I am up to and what changes I'm making.  

Until then, enjoy your holidays and please have a safe New Year everyone.  Let's make it to the new year together, so please drive safe and sober, or take an Uber.  I can't wait to see you all soon!  Merry Christmas!!