See a change?

Two posts in one week?  Am I imagining things?  Nope, you're not.  It's me and like I said last post I have been wanting to blog lately, so I am riding this wave for as long as I can.

If you've been following my blog for a while you will notice a change.  If not, then I'll let you in on what I'm talking about.  I have "refreshed" my page with a new layout and...a new title.

So when I was talking about a refocus on my goals and making changes, I didn't just mean in what I am doing, but also what I'm going to write about and focus on.  I have decided that the title of my blog will always be "The Beginners Runner" because, well, that's my identity.  We are always beginning at something and I feel like I am a beginner runner again after such a long hiatus.  However the title of my blog will change with the goals I have planned.  Just like now, take a look at the title, don't worry, I'll give you a chance to look.  I'll wait here...

Take a look?  Good.  Well, that's what I'm planning for now.

Refocus

Well hello there, long time no see.  I know, I know.  I should write more, and I don't call back when you leave me messages.  I'm so bad about communication sometimes, I hate talking on the phone, I rarely text or email, and don't even get me started about Snapchat.  (Really, I feel so dumb trying to maneuver through that app. SO not a millennial.)

It's Christmas Eve and I feel inspired to write.  To post here.  And since that rarely happens, I thought I would ride that wave for as long as I could.

I've been gone a while.  A lost soul of sorts.  I've been dealing with a chronic physical issue for over a year that still has no diagnosis, only more questions with no answers.  Due to this physical issue I have done far less working out than I'd like and even less running.  Though I have been able to make some strides this year with working out and losing weight I still have a long ways to go.  

In April I started Tone It Up and it was a breath of fresh air for me.  I was able to workout at home, make nutritious meals that my whole family could eat and in a matter of 3 months I lost over 20 pounds.  Something I haven't been able to duplicate since then as my physical ailments came back with a venegence and it makes my ability to workout very difficult, if not impossible.

I ran a few races this year and had a great time, but I didn't make any breakthroughs or achieve any better results because of my lack of training overall.  Something I am hoping to change this year.

Which leads me to the title of this post, refocus, which means to me that I will be making some changes this year and putting my life and hobbies/goals back into focus.  I have been lost along my way for a couple of years now, for many reasons (or excuses), which ever you choose to use. Regardless, I haven't been "here" and it's something I have noticed and am making the concerted effort to change.  I want ME back.  I want to be present and feed what my soul is hungry for, and that is connection.  To myself, to what is around me, to my family, to my friends.  I need to ground myself and fight for what I want and need for and of myself.  This year is about change.  This year is about giving a shit and not giving up on myself.  I have felt myself spiral in and out of control all this year and most of last year and I'm done. Done, done, DONE with feeling like this.  It stops and stops now.

I am ready to flash my confidence again.  I'm ready to take back what is mine.  I am looking forward and up this coming year and I seriously cannot wait to attack this coming month.  I have a lot I am doing, including a refocusing of this blog with more posts about my coming journey.  What is that journey you ask?  Ahhh...I'm not giving it up that easily.  You've gotta wait and come back to see what I am up to and what changes I'm making.  

Until then, enjoy your holidays and please have a safe New Year everyone.  Let's make it to the new year together, so please drive safe and sober, or take an Uber.  I can't wait to see you all soon!  Merry Christmas!!

Spring

Spring has officially sprung in Seattle!  The weather has been absolutely gorgeous all week and after the many months we’ve had of dark, gloomy, wet weather, this is a much welcomed break!!  My little family has been taking walks after dinner together to soak up the sunshine and have some active time together before we put the kiddo to bed.  It has been a nice change and one that I would like to continue with as the weather becomes consistently nicer.

So it’s been a couple of months since my last post, a pretty pissed off, telling post for me.  I try not to get too emotional on the blog, I like to keep things light and to the point, but sometimes I just don’t really care and want to say what’s on my mind.  Which brings me to today’s post…

Can you hear me now?

It's taken a while for me to decide to come back. 

Don't worry, it wasn't you, it was me.

I feel like I've been lost for a while.  Cliche, right?  I don't care, it's the truth though.  The last time I posted here I was talking about my physical issues with plantar fasciitis and the mental woes it was causing me. What I didn't talk about is that I was also in an extremely stressful and volatile work place that was causing me additional issues, both mentally and physically.

PT progress and other things

Holy cow it's been a while since I've updated here. I know I was getting back into talking about my training and how that was all developing, but then I hit a wall...a big one. Let me explain.


So I've been going to PT since July, I've been seeing the same therapist and we have been working through my hip and plantar fasciitis issues. I saw immediate and lasting results with my hips when I started going to PT and I would experience short bouts of temporary pain relief in my heels, but the pain/irritation would not completely go away. It was dismaying but I was also still in training for my Dumbo weekend at the time, so I couldn't expect that pain would completely go away until after the race weekend when I could rest my legs and feet from running regularly.

Training Struggle

I wanted to take a moment to thank you all for the support and words of encouragement I received regarding last weeks post. It was a tough decision to make and the more I think about it and the more stories and comments I received and read about all of you making that same tough decision (to listen to your body), I realize that it was the best decision I could have made. So again, thank you for all the stories and encouragement, it really means a lot to me.

That being said, my view has changed drastically since last week. I am no longer setting my sights on a big goal that, at times, seemed insurmountable. But rather now I am working on facing a familiar adversary, the half marathon. The distance that I love to hate and hate to love, so much pleasure (finishing) and so much pain (during). (That sounded dirty, btw. He he...) Anyway.

After last weeks post I felt the need to pull everything in and "hide" what I'm going through, put on the happy face and post about seemingly benign things. Then the more I thought about it this weekend the more I realized that line of thinking is completely opposite of why I created this blog to begin with. I came here to write about my trials and tribulations, successes and jubilations (and my apparent need to rhyme at times, HA! Did it again.) To keep the process secret and not be honest about what I'm going through by only talking about good things would be silly of me to do. I have prided myself on being honest here and talking about things I'm experiencing, no matter how stupid or embarrassing it might be.

I feel like a failure

Nice way to come back from a blogging hiatus, right? Well, unfortunately, this is how I'm feeling right now. I will be posting my race and Disneyland trip recaps soon, there is lots to report on that front and things are finally starting to slow down in my crazy world right now. So those tidbits are forthcoming.

So, now...what is going on?

Well, let me say that this year I had goals that I had set out at the very start of the year. I had made it very clear last year and throughout this year so far that I had the goal to get fit after the pregnancy, to run Dumbo again and to train and complete my first marathon in January 2015.

However, it seems that with every attempt I make to try and accomplish these goals I get more and more road blocks and encounter even more pitfalls.

Disneyland Half Countdown: 7 days!

Wow...how time flies. I swear it feels like it was just two months out from the race just yesterday. Where does the time go? I feel like the weeks have been a blur of worry, anticipation, excitement, concern, focus and lots of hard work. It may not be reflected in the mileage that I've accumulated over the past couple of months, but the proof is in my ability to simply get up and down from a seated position. Not all progress can be easily measured.

I was worried about my training and the ability to get my body healthy by race weekend. Now we are one week out and I still have some concern about my body being able to handle the rigors of this race weekend, but nowhere near the concerns I had even a month ago. I can't even begin to express how happy I am that I decided to go into physical therapy for my hip issues. I am so incredibly thankful for my therapist and the work that we have been doing over the past month. Her attention to my problem areas and exercises I have been doing have literally changed my life. It really is amazing.

The strength and stability I am gaining is giving me confidence to attack the coming race weekend with peace of mind. As I have said before, I am not going into these races expecting to run the whole time or get even get a decent time, let alone a PR! I am going to simply enjoy the experience and run in one of my favorite places on Earth. Oh...and to take home these beauties!! (except for the kids race one, though I love the lanyard!!)

End of Week 16 Dumbo Double Dare Training

Oh geez...week 16 of training done! That means we are in week 17 now and week 18 is the race! GAH!!! That's NEXT WEEK!!! It's almost here! It's almost here!!! Disneyland NEXT WEEK!!! ::jumping up and down, clapping excitedly::

I'm not scared about running the races anymore now. I'm mostly excited. I have been working on my running and my training has been moving along. I can't be mad or down on myself for not being at the point of health I wanted to be for this race because SO MUCH has been going on with my physical therapy. So much change and improvement has been happening that I couldn't POSSIBLY be completely ready for this race weekend. That being said, I will be able to run, have fun and work on recovering better after each race.

So let's get to the training recap!

Tuesday: 30 minute run
Saturday: 9 mile run

End of Week 15 Dumbo Double Dare Training

Holy cow...did I just type week 15? That means I'm currently in week 16 and week 18 ends with the race weekend!!! AH!!! That means I will be in Disneyland in TWO WEEKS!!!! GAH!!!!

Oh man...I need to start packing. Yes, I am one of those people that starts packing way before they leave on the trip. Well...at least I get my list ready and do laundry and get it all organized, so not really packed into the suitcase, but more like have it prepared to throw into the suitcase the night before I leave. Because that's how I roll. I've been fine tuning and tweaking my pack list for the past 4 months (yes, 4 months, I get excited about trips and start to plan!) and I'm still to this day making small adjustments. Take this item off, add a different item on, increase the number of this item, decrease the number of another item. See what I mean, it's hard work being organized. 

Though this post isn't about my packing skillz, this is about training, so why don't we get to it! The scheduled training runs for Week 15 are as follows:

End of Week 13 Dumbo Double Dare Training

Wait...week 13? What happened to week 12...moreover...what happened in week 13? Ha! Well...about that. The training as listed and even as I have adjusted didn't happen, at all. ::defeated sigh::

As you all know, or may not know, I've been having physical problems since having the baby. My hips have been bothering me a lot more and my left heel started to hurt after (and even during!) my runs. These two ailments have put me out of training commission for far too many weeks, my hip issues have even kept me from running a race all together (Snoqualmie Valley Half & 10k). 

These past few months have been frustrating and humbling beyond belief. From chiro visits, to sitting out many training runs, to getting a new mattress set, to trying new stretches and strengthening exercises. All to no avail...I was still plagued by horribly stiff, aching and painful hips and an increasing presence of heel pain that is now appearing in both feet.

Good to your "self" - Week Three: Embrace

Well, we are three weeks into this body series Be Good to Your "Self" project, where we are talking about what we love or appreciate about ourselves. The first week was Engage, where we talked about our best facial feature, the second week was Enjoy, where we talked about our best body feature. This week is along the theme of acceptance and appreciation, but it's about the thing we are pushing against, our flaws.

I know, how can talking about flaws be positive? Well, it's all about perspective. We can talk about positive things in negative ways and make the whole conversation negative, it's all about structure and wording. I have flaws, just like everyone else. I see them every time I look in the mirror. I know exactly where they are and my eyes go to that point every time I go in front of the mirror. It's like my sub-conscious is keeping tabs on them to make sure I'm reminded. "Is it still there? Oh yep, right where it was before." Yes, they are still there but you know what happens? I leave my place in front of the mirror and get on with my life.

Yes, life still goes on even though I have flaws and everyone can see them! I'll wait and let you process that for a second, go ahead, I'm patient.