Refocus

Well hello there, long time no see.  I know, I know.  I should write more, and I don't call back when you leave me messages.  I'm so bad about communication sometimes, I hate talking on the phone, I rarely text or email, and don't even get me started about Snapchat.  (Really, I feel so dumb trying to maneuver through that app. SO not a millennial.)

It's Christmas Eve and I feel inspired to write.  To post here.  And since that rarely happens, I thought I would ride that wave for as long as I could.

I've been gone a while.  A lost soul of sorts.  I've been dealing with a chronic physical issue for over a year that still has no diagnosis, only more questions with no answers.  Due to this physical issue I have done far less working out than I'd like and even less running.  Though I have been able to make some strides this year with working out and losing weight I still have a long ways to go.  

In April I started Tone It Up and it was a breath of fresh air for me.  I was able to workout at home, make nutritious meals that my whole family could eat and in a matter of 3 months I lost over 20 pounds.  Something I haven't been able to duplicate since then as my physical ailments came back with a venegence and it makes my ability to workout very difficult, if not impossible.

I ran a few races this year and had a great time, but I didn't make any breakthroughs or achieve any better results because of my lack of training overall.  Something I am hoping to change this year.

Which leads me to the title of this post, refocus, which means to me that I will be making some changes this year and putting my life and hobbies/goals back into focus.  I have been lost along my way for a couple of years now, for many reasons (or excuses), which ever you choose to use. Regardless, I haven't been "here" and it's something I have noticed and am making the concerted effort to change.  I want ME back.  I want to be present and feed what my soul is hungry for, and that is connection.  To myself, to what is around me, to my family, to my friends.  I need to ground myself and fight for what I want and need for and of myself.  This year is about change.  This year is about giving a shit and not giving up on myself.  I have felt myself spiral in and out of control all this year and most of last year and I'm done. Done, done, DONE with feeling like this.  It stops and stops now.

I am ready to flash my confidence again.  I'm ready to take back what is mine.  I am looking forward and up this coming year and I seriously cannot wait to attack this coming month.  I have a lot I am doing, including a refocusing of this blog with more posts about my coming journey.  What is that journey you ask?  Ahhh...I'm not giving it up that easily.  You've gotta wait and come back to see what I am up to and what changes I'm making.  

Until then, enjoy your holidays and please have a safe New Year everyone.  Let's make it to the new year together, so please drive safe and sober, or take an Uber.  I can't wait to see you all soon!  Merry Christmas!!

Spring

Spring has officially sprung in Seattle!  The weather has been absolutely gorgeous all week and after the many months we’ve had of dark, gloomy, wet weather, this is a much welcomed break!!  My little family has been taking walks after dinner together to soak up the sunshine and have some active time together before we put the kiddo to bed.  It has been a nice change and one that I would like to continue with as the weather becomes consistently nicer.

So it’s been a couple of months since my last post, a pretty pissed off, telling post for me.  I try not to get too emotional on the blog, I like to keep things light and to the point, but sometimes I just don’t really care and want to say what’s on my mind.  Which brings me to today’s post…

Me, right now...

What do you do when others stop believing in you?

Do you plead for their attention and belief again?

Do you wallow in your sad state by finding the bottom of a pint (or quart) of ice cream?

Do you say F* this and do your own thing regardless of what others think of you?

Do you pull yourself in, shutting yourself off to everyone and sink deeper into that despair hole?

Can you hear me now?

It's taken a while for me to decide to come back. 

Don't worry, it wasn't you, it was me.

I feel like I've been lost for a while.  Cliche, right?  I don't care, it's the truth though.  The last time I posted here I was talking about my physical issues with plantar fasciitis and the mental woes it was causing me. What I didn't talk about is that I was also in an extremely stressful and volatile work place that was causing me additional issues, both mentally and physically.

PT progress and other things

Holy cow it's been a while since I've updated here. I know I was getting back into talking about my training and how that was all developing, but then I hit a wall...a big one. Let me explain.


So I've been going to PT since July, I've been seeing the same therapist and we have been working through my hip and plantar fasciitis issues. I saw immediate and lasting results with my hips when I started going to PT and I would experience short bouts of temporary pain relief in my heels, but the pain/irritation would not completely go away. It was dismaying but I was also still in training for my Dumbo weekend at the time, so I couldn't expect that pain would completely go away until after the race weekend when I could rest my legs and feet from running regularly.

End of Week 15 Dumbo Double Dare Training

Holy cow...did I just type week 15? That means I'm currently in week 16 and week 18 ends with the race weekend!!! AH!!! That means I will be in Disneyland in TWO WEEKS!!!! GAH!!!!

Oh man...I need to start packing. Yes, I am one of those people that starts packing way before they leave on the trip. Well...at least I get my list ready and do laundry and get it all organized, so not really packed into the suitcase, but more like have it prepared to throw into the suitcase the night before I leave. Because that's how I roll. I've been fine tuning and tweaking my pack list for the past 4 months (yes, 4 months, I get excited about trips and start to plan!) and I'm still to this day making small adjustments. Take this item off, add a different item on, increase the number of this item, decrease the number of another item. See what I mean, it's hard work being organized. 

Though this post isn't about my packing skillz, this is about training, so why don't we get to it! The scheduled training runs for Week 15 are as follows:

End of Week 13 Dumbo Double Dare Training

Wait...week 13? What happened to week 12...moreover...what happened in week 13? Ha! Well...about that. The training as listed and even as I have adjusted didn't happen, at all. ::defeated sigh::

As you all know, or may not know, I've been having physical problems since having the baby. My hips have been bothering me a lot more and my left heel started to hurt after (and even during!) my runs. These two ailments have put me out of training commission for far too many weeks, my hip issues have even kept me from running a race all together (Snoqualmie Valley Half & 10k). 

These past few months have been frustrating and humbling beyond belief. From chiro visits, to sitting out many training runs, to getting a new mattress set, to trying new stretches and strengthening exercises. All to no avail...I was still plagued by horribly stiff, aching and painful hips and an increasing presence of heel pain that is now appearing in both feet.

End of Week 11 Dumbo Double Dare Training

Oh boy, it's only Tuesday? I could have sworn today is Thursday, well at least that's how my body feels! I had the most horrible headache last night and it hit me hard all at once. I was actually sitting at the dining table crying because my head hurt so much. My poor baby was so quiet and just staring at me from his highchair because he knew I wasn't myself last night. Luckily I got decent sleep, so that helped to get rid of my headache and I'm feeling better today.

So now we talk about training! Woohoo!

This past weeks training according to the schedule looked like this:

Tuesday: 30 minute run
Thursday: 30 minute run
Saturday: 4 miles

Monday Mojo: Time to Run

Ah Monday, we meet again. Why are you so difficult? I was having a lovely weekend and then you had to barge in and ruin the party. Someone needs to teach you about social graces, seriously!

So last week was some time for me to get healed and feeling better. I've been struggling with nagging hip issues and it got worse over a week ago, keeping me from running a race completely. So I spent some time at my chiropractors this past week getting adjusted and I also started working on my back and core strengthening exercises again. This is especially vital because this will help me to stabilize my hips and keep them strong so I have fewer painful relapses.

Today I hit the pavement...with my shoes that is. I will be running for the first time in forever, it feels. I'm nervous and cautious all at the same time. I know I have a lot of ground to make up on my training to get me ready for Double Dare weekend in August, but I also know that I need to start out slow so I don't injure myself in the process. Low and slow. Keep the miles low and run them slow.

Today's mojo is a reflection of what I am doing today. I'm getting back in the saddle again as of this week. I'm starting to feel better physically and I have a game plan on training and nutrition (needing to get that back on track too! Sheesh!) So my quote for today is: 

I'm here...I swear!

Wow...I can't believe that it has literally been a month since my last post! How is that possible!?! It doesn't feel like it's been that long. I know I've created posts in my head, dozens of them. Maybe I just didn't get a chance to actually post them. That's probably it.

I'm here though...I swear!!

Momentum Monday: Ain't no doubt, this momma is a runner!

I did it.

I ran today.

It was a weekday morning run which I hardly ever get, so I took advantage of it. It was bright and sunny, yet still cool and crisp.

I ran 2 miles, which is more miles than I've ran since December. Which is a total of zero.

It was a combination of pain and elation.

Happiness and frustration.

Love and hate.

Momentum Monday: Finding Balance

Hello! I bet your saying welcome back stranger, right? It's been a while since I've been here! I know, I'm sorry, its just been crazy for me the past three weeks. Ever since my last post I've been a bit MIA, having a newborn will do that to you. :)

I wanted to thank everyone for the outpouring of support in regards to my last post where I shared about my disappointment with how my pregnancy was ending. All the kind words and stories that you shared were wonderful to read and I am thankful that you shared them with me. I have a lot to update you on with regards to how the birth went and the struggles I've had since that day, but that is for another post.

Today I am wanting to share about something that I'm having to learn and remind myself about everyday. It's a hard lesson and one that I think we all struggle with in so many facets of our lives, that it never really gets resolved. Is there actually a resolution? I'm not thinking so.

Today's Momentum Monday and life's lesson is: