Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

Can't go wrong with a little Lionel Ritchie, right?

It is me though.  I'm here, if only ever so slightly.

It's been almost a year since the last time I posted.  I felt like I was on a roll too.  I was focused on a goal and felt like things were starting to resolve themselves after almost two years of dealing with health issues, of which I believe stemmed from having a baby and the immense amount of stress I was under.

A year has passed and life certainly did not get easier.  It actually got a whole lot more difficult...and sad.

Part of what I posted about last was my goal of training for a marathon that I would run this coming January.  Well, the finance gods decided that my plans were a tad too grandiose and in my never ending quest to become an adult, I had to refrain from signing up for the marathon series I was really wanting to run in WDW.  SO MANY of my friends are running that race weekend and I'm completely crushed that I will be missing it, again.  But again, #adulting.  So my marathon training was put on the shelf, as I had no race to train for.  I guess it was for the best though, this year ended up being so incredibly difficult emotionally and mentally, that I would not have had the time to dedicate to proper training.  More on that in a different post.


Though running had been a way for me to escape and de-stress from life, I found it increasingly more difficult to get myself out there to pound the pavement and clear my head.  Doubt and depression kept me sidelined.  My constant battle with my alarm clock every morning kept me from logging the miles I so desperately needed.  My need for more sleep due to the emotional fatigue I was suffering from kept me from that cardio release that my body craved.  

Depression is a terrible thing.  It is a thief of joy.  Keeping you from doing what you know your mind and body could benefit from and need.  It clouds your mind and fills your head with endless amounts of doubt and self-loathing.  It stole my joy that I had coming to this space and talking to the great big void that is the blogging world, where there could be millions of eyes watching, or none at all.  That never bothered me though, whether people wanted to read my content or not, simply because there is just. so. much. out there.  My little corner of the blogging world is still small and I never anticipate getting accolades or notoriety from it, but it's mine and it's about my life, so that right there makes it special.

So what does this mean?  

While I work on pulling myself from the depths of the pit I feel like my life has collapsed into, I will continue to come here and if for nothing else, talk about life.  My struggle with getting back into running, because I know I need to do that for me and my mental and physical health.  My struggle with being a single mother, yeah, I told you I had more posts to write about what happened this past year.  My continued struggle with losing my best friend to metastatic breast cancer and the hole it has left in my heart.  

Life is a constant struggle.  We go from day to day trying to make it through.  There are goals and challenges you hope to accomplish, but I am slowly learning that seemingly the whole point to life is the journey and all the experiences you have along the way to your finish line.  So stay open to those experiences, those challenges and course deviations that happen during your journey.  You may not know the way, and that's okay, we're all in this together.