Good to your "self" - Week one: Engage

Today is the first of the four installments of the Be Good to Your "Self" project where I want us to explore the wonderful things that make each of us unique and perfectly us. When I was thinking about this idea, I wanted to concentrate on aspects of our bodies and our personalities and four words kept cycling through my head - engage, enjoy, embrace, empower. Not only are they all "E" words (remarkably) but they all have positive meanings to them, no negativity. That's what I wanted to promote in this whole dialogue, even when we talk about something we don't like, I want you (and me!) to talk about it in a positive light. More on that later.

So today we will talk about the first of the four words that will be the theme of each of the posts, engage. By definition, engage means: occupy, attract, or involve (someone's interest or attention). When we enter a room with people in it, what is the first thing we look at? Their face and surrounding area. That information will give you a quick read on the "climate" of the situation you are walking into because our faces show our emotions and those signs can advise you how to approach those situations. So if you walk into a room with people smiling and conversing in a lively way, it feels more welcoming and light-hearted giving you the feeling of comfort where you can engage with people. Whereas if you walk into a room with people scowling, not talking to each other or making eye contact, you feel a lot more defensive and are less likely to make the effort to engage with those around you.


When you make eye contact, smile or exchange warm words with a stranger or friend, you are engaging with them. You are attracting them to you and involving them in that moment. Those exchanges, whether they are spoken or not, are delivered by your face. Your facial features and mannerisms come through and engage those around you. So for this weeks "self" admission I want us to talk about our best facial feature. Why start with facial features? It's the first thing we look at and gauge when we meet people. So much can be said about how people engage with others facially.

I, personally, love my smile. Of all the things about my face, I love my smile. It changes the complete dynamic and energy of my face when I smile. I will show you below. The first picture is of me not smiling, but not scowling. Then look at the picture next to it, I haven't changed any other feature on my face (ie. raise my eye brows), just added a smile. Now which looks more welcoming?

I've been told by others that I have a great smile, so I know people notice it and it engages people when they see it. For example, I was at a wine tasting a few months back and as I was walking through the crowd, I was looking around and locked eyes briefly with a lady across the room. I smiled, she smiled and waved, and I continued on my way through the room. An hour or so later, that same woman came up to me and said, "I'm sorry to bug you, but I just wanted to come over and say hi. I thought it was so nice to see someone smiling and when you smiled at me it made me feel happy, so I wanted to come by and say thank you!" I was totally taken aback. A complete stranger, with whom I had only shared a brief moment and smile with across the room, approached me to tell me that the exchange was so positive that she had to come and talk to me. We ended up standing there and talking for a good half an hour, it was such a wonderful experience that I now try to smile every time I go into a social situation. Not only does it help me feel better (how can you be angry when you're smiling!) but it actually attracts people to you. Try it the next time you're in a social situation, it's amazing the dynamic it creates!

Now, it's your turn. I want to hear it. I want to hear what facial feature you love about yourself. Do you have beautifully full lips? Do you have a doe eyed shape to your eyes? How about wonderfully expressive eye brows? Or maybe you have lovely full cheeks? Possibly pinchably cute dimples? Or fabulously flowing hair that would make Fabian jealous? Tell me about it! Flaunt it! Brag about it! Tell me if you have a story about how you were noticed by someone because of this. This is your time to relish in this feature you love about yourself. What I don't want to hear is how you "wish you had x feature" or are "so jealous that you didn't inherit x trait". No self defeating talk here. This is all about positivity and honoring the wonderful things that make the perfectly unique you.

So let's hear it!